tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259779034549832838.post8230531617020861007..comments2023-08-12T06:41:11.740-07:00Comments on Laughing Helps: Marriage Spiced with Aspergers: Darned if I Do / Darned if I Don'tlaughing helpshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03419202929819268590noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259779034549832838.post-80067099228439875752017-10-15T14:40:50.099-07:002017-10-15T14:40:50.099-07:00Did it work?Did it work?Catherine Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16106773955427187343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259779034549832838.post-6454867244610923392016-10-02T17:25:18.063-07:002016-10-02T17:25:18.063-07:00first, please forgive the lateness in publishing t...first, please forgive the lateness in publishing this - it went into my spam folder<br /><br />second, my husband is so wonderful in many unique ways - he has a good sense of humor (most of the time), he's brilliant in his engineering sort of way, he's learning to travel with me, he loves food so we eat out a lot, he's able to zone out at will (great quality when bored to death at one of my many social functions), and he puts up with me - oh, and he needs me!<br /><br />when i become frustrated, i remind myself that my hubby isn't suffering from pts, isn't disabled by a stroke or disease, makes a very good living, and (he says) loves me - there are so many cultural differences around the world that if he were native to a totally different culture i wouldn't think twice about his seemingly "odd" behaviors or mindsets<br /><br />life isn't always about happiness, but i find that keeping some humor in annoying parts helps me feel satisfied - i pray that you and your wife can find the nuggets of gold that makes your lives together continue to be of valuelaughing helpshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03419202929819268590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259779034549832838.post-32720650623717809822016-06-28T19:28:49.958-07:002016-06-28T19:28:49.958-07:00This question is for NT partners married to an Asp...This question is for NT partners married to an Aspie spouse - what are the reason(s) to stay with them?<br /><br /><br />Below is a bit about my wife and I and why I am asking. <br />I ask this because I seem to "have" Aspergers, and I see the pain my wife goes through. As I continue to gain a deeper understanding (albeit a conceptual understanding) of what it means to be in a relationship as an NT, the sadder it seems. It appears to me that if the goal of the relationship is partnership it cannot be found with someone with Aspergers. We do not have children, we have no deeply functional reason to be together other than love and partnership. I very much like and appreciate this about our relationship, but she appears to be a better partner and seems like she is getting short changed in a sense. To an outside observer, I imagine that I appear like a good partner. I support her goals, I respect her in multiple ways, I encourage her to do things that make her happy, I don't care about social norms, I happen to make a substantial income relative to most people and therefore pay for everything so she doesn't have to work, happy to help out and do the chores and whatever else is helpful, I am loving towards out cats, people see us and consistently tell her "he loves you so much". Etc. Etc.<br />But I don't know how to respond to her emotions (on multiple occasions, I have walked away from her while she was crying), I seem to really only understand what she is saying when it is laid out in an argumentative/logical format (and even then I rarely seem to feel what she is saying), I don't communicate well, I don't listen well, I am often swirling around in my own head (sometimes during serious conversations I will trace geometrical shapes in my head when we talk - and the more I try to stop it the stronger it goes). To stop the rambling on my part, I read this article, and it sounded fairly descriptive of some deep challenges I have, http://www.autism.org.uk/about/family-life/partners-stories/comfort.aspx. <br /><br />I love my wife - I care for her and I want her to be happy. However, after several years of trying to change, I see that she is now looking for happiness in changing her expectations of a partner. Perhaps this is the "appropriate" thing to do, but logically I cannot understand why. It seems the proposition is to spend a life with someone that cannot deliver emotional understanding and comfort and in exchange one receives...? I want her to be happy, and I would like for that to be with me, but I worry that I am holding her back from finding a person who can make her happy (or be alone, but not with someone who consistently disappoints her). <br /><br />Thank you for any insights you may be willing to share.Aspie looking for NT advicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03523782123572630134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259779034549832838.post-88432561403345567072016-04-23T05:46:03.750-07:002016-04-23T05:46:03.750-07:00brilliant, my dear! thank you for keeping my world...brilliant, my dear! thank you for keeping my world balanced - cheers!laughing helpshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03419202929819268590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4259779034549832838.post-44937024580761463862016-04-22T17:05:01.253-07:002016-04-22T17:05:01.253-07:00I'be rushed to grab my copy and turned to page...I'be rushed to grab my copy and turned to page 234 and yep, this is exactly what i was talking about with Aspie son a few moments before. They do interupt all the time and my son does tell me that he must tell me NOW, so he doesnt forget. I havent picked up this book for a while. I guess i need to refresh my understanding. <br /><br />Thanks for the heads up and good luck with mouse. Cover it with a cloth and pick up so you cant see it or feel it. Use a thick rag (cut up towel) and throw the whole thing in the bin. <br /> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12605358521258969537noreply@blogger.com