Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
If the chicken came first, where did it come from? Chickens are hatched from eggs.
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If the egg came first, how could it hatch into a chicken without a chicken to hatch it?
If I was initially attracted to my hubby because of his matureness in his young adulthood, how is it that he is now more childish than our teenage son?
I recently ran across similar contemplations on the older/younger dilemma in a blog by Aspie Audrey, a wife and mom with Aspergers.
While Steve and I muse about whether his Aspie traits are becoming more pronounced, I also have to wonder if his maturity level has been sliding downward. He seems to give in more easily to his tantrums and tirades of late. His anger management skills are close to nonexistent.
As for patience, he has none. Our thirteen year old will be in the midst of a conversation with me, but waits patiently when his dad interrupts for some trivial matter that doesn’t really need to be discussed at all. If I ask my husband to wait for a few moments, he becomes irate that I would put our son ahead of him..
Oh really, Dear?
In Audrey’s blog comment section, another Aspie said she feels younger, in part, “because of my difficulty navigating ‘normal’ adult [life], and I just feel awkward in general.”
My husband probably behaves properly (read that ‘normally’) at work, and in the collegiate classes he instructs. I’m making that assumption based on the fact that he’s been employed by the same company for twenty-five years, and is scheduled to teach three more courses for summer term.
Richard Rowe, fellow Aspie, writes a moving letter about his own experiences with Aspergers, which he became aware of after the diagnosis of his son’s Aspergers.
Richard describes some of his conundrum:
“When I try to explain my condition to people I feel like they either think I'm making up excuses for myself or look on me as a freak or as some kind of nut case. Sometimes I feel that by telling them I have ASD I'm alienating myself, but then, if I don't tell them I will probably mess up at some stage and they will think I'm strange anyway so I figure its (sic) better to tell them on the whole, especially if I intend to try and pursue any type of friendship.
But then at times I feel quite fine about myself, I feel like it's the rest of humanity that has the problem, not me. Sometimes I too, look on myself as a freak and a nut case. But then, I'm sure I'm not, because they always say that if your (sic) nuts you don't know it, and I'm sure I am, so I guess I'm not..... Make sense?”
Yes, Richard, it actually does make sense.
In a chicken-or-the-egg sort of way….
I think the same way, I dont feel myself strange when I stay alone so I think it is their problem, not mine, and if I try to explain that my behavior is normal for me, I feel that people should think that I'm making up excuses for myself, and probably I do, but in other side I always feel that I do everything right and I can always explain my not so normal behavior...
ReplyDeletei am amazed at how much the communication opened up between my hubby and myself when i began this blog a few months ago - there are so many situations i've written about that he says he had no idea that i thought so differently than he did - thank you for sharing - it helps me so much...
DeleteHi glad I could help a bit... Another key to throw out there is that since my daughter and son and I all have the syndrome I find it very different between genders. I know some Aspie men and in each case(including my sons) I find they can be a tad more rude about it. It's just its tough enough to have Aspergers and fit but as a male there is usually less consideration for feelings in a temper. Simply because men in general have less nurturing empathy. My son is also way mare adamant that he is right... I am too but it comes out differently. What I am trying to say is that this really is the case. We become more apparent and quirky as we get older but it has always been there. We just masked it more and it came out in stress or such. We need to explain a lot to be understood and we also need our NT counterparts to be understanding and tell us when we have unintentionally hurt them. My hubby puts up with a lot but in my way I do too... It's constant communication;) your hubby probably doesn't even consider that your child is trying to speak . I know in my case I am soley thinking of what I am trying to put out there and do not even realize the way I can come across... Until later;)
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you are being an amazing wife and mother. It's no easy job understanding any syndrome or difference but in my children it can be so rewarding;)
Loved this post and may quote some of it;)
thank YOU for your thoughtful comments - i am constantly trying to understand steve's motivations - it didn't even dawn on me when i was writing this morning that he may not have been aware of kidlet and i talking - he does focus on his 'thoughts' and could have been oblivious to our conversation - i do realize that if steve is rude or blunt it's just his way of speaking directly and to the point - he likes to 'save' his words! now, if i could only figure out what he is saving them for...
Deletethank you again for your time - i've included a link to your blog at the bottom of my blog, and i would be honored to be quoted!
Thanks. I may quote you in my other blog:) Or perhaps both:) As I was reading through your top few posts I thought that your hubby is really lucky you have read so much.
ReplyDeleteHmmm..saving words may be because words take so much effort if they are not in a hobby or obsession or interest area? I don't know...
I also took your test link above just for fun to see what I would score...Here I thought I was answering so "normally" and I would score NT because I am "more balanced" than I used to be and I scored 41. 41!!! It said 34 was extreme. Ha ha. I could probably have scored higher a couple years ago:) It was fun. Thanks for the input. I need to get my kiddos to bed and then I may write a post!
lol - don't we all think we are 'normal'?
Deletei was thinking about you taking the baron-cohen test linked at the top of my blog and decided to take it again - the first time i took the test this last february i scored 9 on it - this morning i scored 10 - hurray! hanging with aspies is turning me into one! lol
DeleteI'm new to Aspergers research. My husband recently committed suicide after becoming certain he had Aspergers Syndrome. The more I read about it, the more it sounds like him. Too little too late. Heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteDear Darla, that is tragic. I hope you are coming to terms with the fact that no one is ever responsible for someone else's decision to kill themselves. It is a very personal act, that excludes all thought or concern for anyone else or anything else in this world the rest of us are walking. I have taken suicide intervention training, and also worked on a distress phone hotline, so I can assure you you are in no way responsible for your husband's decision to give up the struggle of every day life. I know many Aspies and have several I love dearly. They process and output differently than many of my other dear ones, but then so do I even though I did not test high on the online Cambridge test. Hindsight is often perfect. The challenge is to use it to help out in the future because we cannot change the past. <3
DeleteThank you for this blog I have a friend who is older who has the syndrome along with manic depression a genuine honest transparent man in his late forties I don't know how to help him these articles help me understand just a bit I'm a good listener and I'm sure this is the most important aspect of our relationship thank you
ReplyDelete