Woo hoo! It’s my birthday!! The weather in the Seattle area is supposed to be fairly decent, I have a free coffee waiting for me at Starbucks, Kidlet has a baseball game this afternoon and we are meeting friends and family tonight for dinner out.
As Kidlet and I left his game last night around 9:30 p.m. I received a text from my hubby.
“What do you want to do for your birthday?”
Hmmmm. Seems like I told him the plans last week and put it on our e-calendar.
A few years ago I signed up for a free online calendar at cozi.com – it also has a mobile app for my phone. You can put as many family members on the account as you wish. It took a while, but I think I have Steve trained to enter all of his appointments and activities.
There is just one problem. He doesn’t check it for our activities.
Hmmm hmmmm.
I text back “What does Cozi calendar say?”
No response.
When we arrived home an hour later I asked Steve why he won’t check the calendar we set up. He grumped at me.
“But Sweetie, this is why we have it!” I expounded. “You can look it up at any time! All of Ben’s games are on there, as well as all of our family activities.”
I stood staring at him as he sat shaking his head in a negative response.
“I don’t like it!” The Hubster retorted.
“But it is a great communication tool,” says I.
“It’s too much work to get on the computer,” says Hubby. “Just tell me!”
“But I did tell you last week after D called!” respondeth I, growing frustrated. “Don’t you remember?”
“You know I can’t remember things!” spouts Hubby.
“Yes I do and that is exactly why we have the online calendar!” I said incredulously.
“Well, I don’t like it,” says Hubby. He focuses on his book and ignores me.
“Don’t you want to know what I want to do tomorrow?” I quiz him.
He continues to ignore me, so I head off to bed.
*Sigh* Sometimes life makes no sense whatsoever. Aspie or not, lol.
I can't tell you how grateful I am to come across your blog. I love the way you write and your positive attitude. My daughters aspergers diagnosis is fairly new, as is knowing my husband has it as well. I'm still in that completely and utterly depressed-about-it stage, and most of what I read just compounds the feelings of impending doom. Your blog is a breath of fresh air...Seattle air! We love Seattle. :)
ReplyDelete-Caroline
thank you so much for sharing! trying to stay positive helps me prevent hair loss &/or murder - ekkkkk! lol
Deleteonce we had figured out that steve had a.s. i tried reading all the books i could find on aspie relationships - a distrubing amount were full of gloom & doom - very depressing - our seattle weather is depressing enough! gotta look for those little rays of sunshine and enjoy them while we can - 'saving up' for the rainy days...
Happy Birthday to you. Make it your special day because im sure they wont. Im surprised that he remembered. Mine is forgotten unless i plan it myself and then there is often grumbles because they feel obligated to go buy me something when they really dont want to make the effort or be distracted from what they want to do. Sound familiar?
ReplyDeletethank you my dear! yes, he remembered this year - fortunately i am blessed with three fantastic, non-aspie kids who spoil me rotten (perhaps because i have done the same for them?), as well as wonderful friends - i do have to 'lol' re: "why do i HAVE to buy you a gift because of some stupid date" mentality - that is sooooo my hubby! he insists he wants to only buy me gifts when HE wants to, which ends up never as he doesn't want to HAVE to spend money, and after all i must know he loves me without him 'proving it' with gifts - he married me, didn't he?
Delete[to which i usually respond "act of revenge?" lol]
Happy Birthday! This sounds so familiar: I have times when I'm like Steve in this post and it drives my wife nuts. My best understanding of why I appear to act irrationally is this: when I think about performing some task I envisage all the necessary steps in detail beforehand. This can make even an apparently simple task appear to be complicated and time-consuming, and I may lack the energy to tackle a complex job (Spoon Theory is a great practical description relating to this).
ReplyDeleteI'm also fairly rigid in my routines: if I have a particular way to do something then I am compelled to continue doing it in that same way, even if better alternatives are presented to me: I "don't like" them because they break my routines. And then if I feel I'm being put under pressure to change I withdraw into "turtle mode", pull my head into my shell and become uncommunicative.
Not sure if I'm making sense here but I can definitely identify with this scenario.
thanks so much for sharing, ben, & for the birthday wishes - i had a spectacular day - actually, weekend plus a few days - truth be told, i'm still celebrating!
Deletei really appreciate your input - what you describe is soooo similar to my hubby's responses and actions - i'm fine with it all as long as i separate my emotions from his behavior - then i can try to find a way to enjoy my 'turtle', other than in hot water to make turtle soup! lol