We all have our own perception of ourselves. People decide on their own attitudes and feelings from watching themselves behave in various situations.
But what if a person can’t determine their own behavior?
A person with Aspergers Syndrome seems to often suffer from cognitive dissonance. This is the uncomfortable tension that comes from having conflicting thoughts in your mind at the same time.
People with Aspergers have problems with language in social settings. It may be difficult for them to pick topics of conversation. Their body language may be off. It may be hard for them to recognize that another person has lost interest in the Aspie’s topic.
Aspies often speak in a monotone. They may not respond to other people’s comments or emotions. They may not be able to read facial expressions or body language. An Aspie may have difficulty understanding sarcasm or humor, and can be the target of bullying.
My husband thinks he is normal. In one respect he is. Steve is a normal Aspie. But he is not ‘normal’ when viewed in social situations. Then he is very, very not normal. He definitely exhibits all of the traits above.
My sweetie’s mind is often conflicted. He wants to be left alone, but he wants to be in our family. He wants to remain in the background at work and social settings, but he does want to be there. He desperately wants to look and act normal, but face it – he’s a nerd. My dear, wonderful, sweet, geeky nerd. I love him.
I can’t imagine how tough it is for my hubby to get through each day with all of the conflicting thoughts and feelings he has. I have rough days occasionally, but I know who I am, what I am feeling, how I wish to conduct my life, what my goals are and how I am going to achieve them.
If it seems that Steve is just along for the ride, then he probably is. I know as an intelligent man he can choose his own paths in life. He has chosen to walk my path with me. When I can get him to verbalize his thoughts and feelings at a fork in the road, I can try to pick the next path with his desires and dreams in mind.
Otherwise, I guess I just bring him along with me. So far, he hasn’t dragged his feet or kicked - at least not too hard!
I just wanted to comment and say how much I enjoyed reading each and every post on your blog. I have a daughter with Asperger's and I'm dating a man with Asperger's (I'm divorced, he's never married we're both in our early/mid 30's.)
ReplyDeleteSo much stuff hits home! I can't wait to keep reading (and learning) from someone who's been through so much.
I wouldn't change either of them for the world. :)
thank you for reading, and for your encouragement - i greatly appreciate both!
DeleteI've been accused of not making an effort simply because i have no idea what any given individual would like to talk about. And yet, when someone clearly likes a subject that i like, i've been accused of not knowing when to shut up. Some people say i'm shy, some say i'm out-spoken, others express confusion ~ is that confusion CD and, if so, who is suffering it, me or them? I am actually comfortable with my 'contradictory' nature, but dislike 'social' gatherings because others are uncomfortable with it & try to make me take part in rituals that makes no sense to me ~ why pretend to like me before knowing anything about me? & why are they offended by my expecting honesty from them? I spend alot of time and energy trying to understand how people's minds work (because that might make it easier for me to be more involved with certain community projects), but so far it hasn't helped. I only just learned of the term "Cognitive Dissonance" (for symptoms previously named e.g denial), and wonder if my inability to cope with 'society' is due to my mind having 'hyper' CD, or a deficit in CD; i know that i do make decisions, but it becomes hard or impossible to do so when only presented with unsuitable options ~ is being caught in an impasse CD and, if so, are all involved parties suffering CD?
ReplyDeleteplease accept my apologies for not publishing this sooner - for some reason it was dumped into my spam folder, which i don't honestly check too often - thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts - i really appreciate your perspective, and now have more for thought myself - blessings
DeleteJackie, I can sympathize. I have exactly the same feelings. All I can say is that through long introspection about the Golden Rule, I have become able to see how some people prefer to be treated differently than I would in the same situation; therefore, I treat them in their preferred way rather than my own.
ReplyDelete