Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Resistant to Change

As a kid I used to watch a cartoon called ‘Popeye’. That character would often say “I yam what I am, and tha’s all what I yam”. Absolute, unequivocally, undeniably unchanging. 

I wonder if Popeye had Aspergers Syndrome, because that mindset describes my husband to a “T”.

Steve needed help. Granted, everyone tends to think of one’s self as all-knowing and invincible. It can be hard for any person to request assistance. It’s definitely not specifically an Aspie trait, but when combined with Aspergian thinking it can lead to all sorts of problems and/or misunderstandings.

This morning, after a few days had passed, I wandered into our bathroom, coffee in hand, to ask The Hubster if he had gotten an answer from the fellow he was going to request help from.

“Yes, no,” was the curt reply.

“Did he give a reason for not helping?” I queried, perched on the side of my bathtub.

“He said I already had help!” barked The Hubster.

“Who is already helping you?” asked an unwitting Me between sips of ‘joe’.

“No one!” blurted He.

I sat for a few minutes trying to sort out what was just communicated. I thought that I had heard Steve say that he asked for help. I thought that there was just one person involved. I thought that…

A light bulb flashed above my head.

“Sweetie, when did you ask Guy A for help?”

“LAST YEAR!” erupted Sweetie.


“Sweetheart, whatever went on last year doesn’t affect your current situation. Guy B has moved. He is no longer able to help you. It’s a simple, but decidedly two person job. You need to ask for help with your current project, letting Guy A know that Guy B has moved and is no longer available to help. Life is situational. Things change. Many situations can be similar but still be different. You need to ask about this current thing.”

As The Hubster flossed his teeth I watched his face contort in vigorous thought. He finished flossing, rinsed his mouth and spit. He wiped the edge of his sink, took another swig to rinse, spit, and once again wiped the edge of the sink. I held my breath and was rewarded when his routine repeated a third time.

He’s a three-times kind of guy. That can have its advantages.

Steve turned towards me.

“I guess I like things black and white,” respondeth my mate.

“Amen! Hallelujah!” I spurted, jumping up from the edge of the bathtub, nearly splashing the remainder of my coffee uponeth myselfeth.

“Eureka, Steve! You’ve pegged it! That is exactly what it’s all about!” My enthusiasm at this basic truth in our lives was awe inspiring.

“I thought that the Hokey Pokey was what it’s all about?” replied my puzzled Mate.

After a moment of silence, during which I quaffed the dredges of my now lukewarm beverage, I again sighed.

“Please just ask Guy A today,” I requested. “Simply let him know that you need help. I bet he won’t even remember last year’s entreaty. If he does, let him know that no one else is available. He’s not going to shoot you if you ask him again.”

Looking quizzical, The Hubster headed towards his closet to get dressed. I went to the kitchen for more coffee. As my spouse exited our domicile for work, I heard him utter a quiet question under his breath.

“What is a Hokey Pokey?”


See, even I do things in threes! LOL 

Thursday, August 15, 2013


“Rook to d4 check,” says Kidlet who was across the table from me.

I groan and rue the day I taught my son to play chess.

“Which piece is the bird or are you just cheating?” asks The Hubster. 

“No Dear, that castle looking thing is the rook,” I answer, my finger on my king while I desperately look for a way out of the mess I’m in.

“Why would anyone call a castle a bird?” my Spouse persists.

“Ummmm…” I am unable to formulate an appropriate answer while overcome with the growing shadow of defeat. Though not checkmate now, another move or two and it would be.

The Hubster steps up his voice level. “WHY WOULD ANYONE…”

I cut him off. “Please, Sweetie, let me think!”


I look at Kidlet, who is trying hard not to smirk, and then back to the increasingly agitated Hubster who is turning purple with frustration and mounting rage.

I push my finger against my king to topple him and lean back. Kidlet silently pumps his fist in the air and I can lip read a victorious ‘Yes’ on his mouth. He pops up and quickly exits the livingroom before Papa Bear erupts.

I sigh.

“It’s situational, Sweetie. I did say that you should ask if you don’t understand, but the time to ask is situational.”

“But I might forget if I don’t ask NOW!” retorts The Hubster. “I can’t WAIT until later because I FORGET!” reiterates He.

I sigh again. 

It’s true. He does forget. A lot. And often. 

Or he isn’t focused on what is said and misses points so that the verbal information is garbled.

Or he just flat out isn’t listening because his mind is on something else entirely.

I ran across an informative thread regarding Aspergian ‘absent-mindedness’.

Of course everything in  life from day to day is situational, which is very difficult for my husband to grasp. He wants a hard and fast ‘rule’ that applies each and every time to each and every thing that happens.  

It can’t be done.

As I sit and sigh, trying to formulate a short and simple answer to his question, I notice that he is back to reading his book. I continue watching him to see if he is truly engrossed or just passing the time while waiting for my response.

Steve suddenly drops his book on the huge pile next to his recliner with a thump, stands up to stretch, then exits the room. As I continue to wait I hear the front door slam.

I sighed again, but this time in relief at not having to explain the ‘rook’ business.

Happy that ‘forgetfulness’ can be my friend, lol.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Education for NTs

If you are unable to read the words clearly hold down 'ctrl' and press '+' in order to zoom in. 
To zoom out do the same thing but with '-' instead of '+'.

While this chart may be more applicable to children, it pays to 
be aware of what may 'set off' your Aspergian friend/mate.
None of these things are either right nor wrong.

They just 'are'.