Monday, July 22, 2013

Survival of the Fittest

Survival: “Remaining alive or in existence when faced with a life-threatening danger; a custom, idea or belief that remains when other similar things have been lost or forgotten.”
In this photo I see two individual animals with their antlers interlocked in battle. Experience tells me that one will survive, and one probably won’t. Yet with those horns intertwined the two are now actually one. They could defy nature and try to work together. Or, they can follow their urges or emotions to destroy each other.
This is often how I feel in my marriage. My natural urge is to ‘fight it out’ with my hubby; to be the ‘victor’ in our relationship. After all, he always is doing things wrong. Right?
Nope. That’s not right. Differently. He does things in a way that is not the same as mine. Does that make my ways correct?
No to that concept also.
Often we hear the saying “there are two sides to every story”. While that may be true in some cases, reality is that most of our ‘stories’ are multifaceted. Depending on our individual upbringings, cultures, learning abilities, experiences, intellects, habits, and acceptance or resistance to change, our actions and reactions can vary beyond comprehension.
On days that I find myself running around the house screaming “Why me, God?”, I know that deep down inside I want my marriage to succeed. I want to be calm and compassionate with my mate. I want my kids to think back on their childhood with fond memories of a united, intertwined family.
Not a battleground. Antlers locked together in strength, not anger.
Today's society in the States says to walk away if the going gets tough. Instead we should say, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going - to work it out!"
Each and every day I can choose how I want my day to go. The washer breaks down? Great! I don’t have to do laundry today. (Actually, that sounds really good right now!)
The paycheck didn’t come in the mail? Well, I’m up to date on my bills so nothing is going to be turned off tomorrow. I won’t be evicted. I might not be able to put gas in the car, so we will stay home and ‘play’. There are tons of things we can do right here at home.
So what if my Aspergian husband is being antisocial today? I have a great book I can read. If he follows me around, itching for a fight I can go for a walk. If he ignores me I can give myself a pedicure or go soak in the tub. My actions and reactions are totally under my own control.
If life around me sucks, I can sing a happy song to myself. Or tell myself a funny joke. Life feels so much better when I am laughing out loud. That makes me fit to survive!


  1. and breathe out..... Thank you. I needed these words today. Ive been battling with 16yrs old and hubby and feel so worn down. Is it possible that a 16 years old at home doing nothing but playing games that is sucking us dry and being abusive cause he wants more is possibly in the right? I dont believe so but i know that he thinks he is. We are quite horrible parents apparently despite having given him a car, spent a fortune working on it, taken him for over 12 hrs of supervised driving at night after work in two weeks and still he wants more. Problem is, hubby cant deal with his anger so he blames me for the discipline. I am causing the problems by not giving him everything. Hency battle ground is evident.

    I dont think i can ever win. Just disengage for a while.

    1. oh lynda! *deep sigh* i hear you! it is so very hard for me to walk away from a battle - but it's just plain silly for me to 'fight' when i know i can't win or even call a truce... my toenails get painted a lot lately (someone here can't stand the smell of nail lacquer!)