Monday, July 14, 2014

Who Cares?

If I had a dollar for every time my spouse said "My God! Who cares? What does it matter?" over the last twenty-one years of our marriage, I would be a very wealthy woman. 

I am very glad that I don't pull on my own hair when Steve pops off with his standard reply to anything he doesn't understand, doesn't like, doesn't want to  do. Otherwise I'd be bald.

Rich doesn't help bald.

The sad thing is that he cares about stopping on the freeway for a total stranger driving thirty miles per hour to merge on from an on ramp. He cares about his truck getting door dings so he parks on the opposite side of a parking lot from the front door of whatever store or restaurant we are going to.

Even though he has personally dented, crushed, sideswiped, smashed or otherwise marred his truck a dozen times already.

He cares about letting a person with two full shopping carts step ahead of him when I send him to the store to grab a single ingredient I just ran out of while in the middle of making dinner.

He cares about the possibility that one of our neighbors might be napping in the middle of the day when I've asked him for the hundredth time if he is going to mow the eight inches of grass in our yard or should I hire someone to do it.

It hurts my feelings that he doesn't seem to want to consider whether or not I care, or want to do things that would be pleasing to me.

Earlier this year, while buying plants for our expansive back deck's flower boxes and hanging baskets, I also purchased several sugarsnap pea plants. I did so because I know Steve loves them and I thought he'd enjoy having several batches of fresh pea pods to take in his lunch each week. I mentioned that to him while trying to explain that many married couples do things like that because they love their spouse and enjoy pleasing them.

To which he replied, "Well that's stupid! I can buy my own peas when I want."


Steve also insists that he is empathetic. That when people state that Aspergians don't seem to feel empathy, they are dead wrong. He always cries about sad stories and movies. He feels empathy when dogs are sad or locked up. 

But when he forgets to tell me that he's going to be four hours late coming home on a particular day, refuses to turn on his phone to receive calls or texts and we sit waiting to have dinner until he gets home, he says that I am just too controlling.

"What about common courtesy?" I ask.

"You aren't my mother!" snorteth He.

Boy oh boy, Sweetie, don't I know it! You are always polite and courteous to your mom. Just not to me or our kids.

Oh, by the way, we care and it matters to us. I sure hope you read this today. Perhaps by the time you get home I can find something to laugh about.

And thank you for putting up the ceiling fan for me that I bought last year. It made the room much more bearable yesterday.


  1. Funny you talk about pulling your hair out, did you see my last post on my son telling me im going bald, he has photos to prove it. Nope, not much caring for me going on in our house either. They care about their stuff, about what they are doing and not much else. I have to have the phone attached to the side of my head "just in case" they want to speak to me but i can never contact them as their's are flat or misplaced. They must REST all the time and yet im woken up for any reason at any time of the night. Eg. Son woke me up at 2.30am to ask me what was is in the dogs bowl. It didnt look good apparently. The dog was asleep beside me so i fail to see why it matters at that time of the night. BREATHE.......... Ive often asked them why their best manners are reserved for others and not the one who cares for them. They would offer to help a stranger but they wont help me. BREATHE OUT..... BREATHE.....

    1. oh yes - i sometimes forget the breathing part.... lol

  2. Thank you! Im not the only one! No regard for others feelings. Thats one of the main reasons that weve been on the brink of divorce for much of our 8 years of marriage. And theres not much we can do about it.

    1. correct, there isn't much WE can do about it (referring to a couple) - but i've found much that I (capital 'me') can! i can recognize that telling my apsie hubby to understand my feelings is like telling my goldfish to just take a deep breath - silly, as my fish can't breathe air! nor does my hubby 'get' feelings

      another thing 'I' can do is vent - preferably to others who understand as/nt relationships - i am so thankful for modern technology so i can reach out to fellow aspie-lovers around the world - thru blogs like this, social media, even cell phones that have limitless long distance calling

      thanks so much for reading and sharing - and shoot me an email whenever you want to 'talk'