Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Duct Tape

“You should go home,” says The Hubster from the other room.
I wait a few moments. No other verbal communication follows. I peek around the corner to see to whom or what Steve is speaking to. As an Aspie, he can be subject to sudden verbal eruptions mimicking characters on TV, or in a book. He could have had a ‘thought leak’ (my term of endearment for him talking out loud to himself), or he could be speaking to our dogs (of which he does quite often).
As I peer into our livingroom, I assert that A) that The Hubster is completely alone, B) he is not on his phone, C) we are both home, and D) the TV is off and he is not reading.
“Sweetie, are you talking to me?” I quizzically ask.
Steve looks around, startled.
“What?” he booms. “What are you talking about? I didn’t say anything!”
I then check to see if the stereo is on. It is not.
“I heard you say “You should go home” I respond. “Who were you talking to?”
I didn’t say anything!” Hubby is now agitated.
“Yes, Sweetie, you did!”
No I didn’t!” comes a thunderous response.
A part of Steve’s Aspie traits include mild dyslexia. He often mixes things up. He will think he has spoken when he hasn’t, and vice versa. He will mix words up, especially pronouns. Yesterday, after I had noticed his pants were dirty, he told me that he had worn them several times now and that ‘we’ should put them in the wash. When I responded that I was not responsible for putting his clothing away or in the wash, he insisted that he had said “I”.
He had not.
A ‘discussion’ ensued in which he insisted that I ‘always’ hear things wrong. He said that I ‘always’ say that I am right and that he is ‘wrong’. He denied ever mixing things up.
He basically denied his Aspergers.
Granted, I occasionally don’t hear correctly, and yes sometimes get an incomplete or garbled message, especially when I'm not concentrating fully on the speaker. I would not say, however, that I am always right, nor that I am ‘always’ wrong either.
I do tend to talk too much for Steve. Aspies need short, direct questions and statements. They seem to focus on one or two words that can have multiple meanings and forget to listen to the rest of the words, thus getting very ‘mixed’ messages.
There are definitely times I wish I had a roll of duct tape handy.
And I’m sure that Steve feels the same way, lol.


  1. LOL, Oh i know i'd like that roll, sometimes two of them but yes, they often tell me to stop speaking so much or so fast.

    1. what is really funny is that they can talk about their single interest subject non-stop for hours - or even days!

  2. Hi. Don't know if you will ever read this or not. Just wanted to say thank you.... After a few yeara of marriage and many difficulties I realise my husband probably has Aspergers. In typical fashion I chose to find out as much as possible about it through reading. However, had I not come across your blog I would have probably given up on my marriage and life in general! The negativity I encountered on the net from partners/ex partners of Aspies made me believe that my marriage would not survive. It is only because of you that I fought back and made progress. So from the bottom of my heart thank you. May God always bless and guide you.

    1. thank YOU from the bottom of MY heart!!! it has been really, really hard to find positive, encouraging info on preserving marriage/relationships between NTs & our mates with aspergers, or a good place to vent when needed - your encouragement means so much to me - i really needed the support today... thank you!