Tuesday, December 24, 2013

If You Can’t Say Anything Nice…

then don’t say anything at all!

Zip your lip. Can it. Stuff it. Put a lid on it.

Was there actually a time when I thought my hubby was introverted? I must have been dreaming.

The holidays are stressful for him, I do know that. But he is a grown man and I don’t understand how he can be such a blathering idiot! The things that have been coming out of his mouth lately are unbelievable.

I’m wondering if there’s enough money in the checking account to buy The Hubster a one way ticket to another continent. Hmmm, tempting.

I am not a person to have to dust off the gifts under the tree in order to pass them out. I actually enjoy shopping a few days before Christmas as I love the bargains. Youngest and Oldest Kidlets (actually both are Manlets now) went out and about with me yesterday (fortunately I had already gotten their gifts a few days before). We had a wonderful, relaxed afternoon wandering through our favorite stores. We went up and down each and every aisle, invented randomly obscure uses for common everyday things, poked fun at some of the silly items we saw, and laughed and sang until our sides hurt.

And yes, easily completed our shopping.

When my husband had asked me a few days ago about the Christmas schedule, who what where when, I explained it to him and offered to write it down. Christmas day only with everyone at our house this year. Easy peasy. Since we are going to Christmas Eve service tonight, I don’t even have to put shoes on tomorrow.

“When should I wrap my gifts?” asketh He.

“We are pretty much out of paper and gift tags which I am going to pick up on Monday when the boys and I are out shopping,” replieth I.

There was no further comment, so I thought that was the end of it.

Ha ha!

When we got home yesterday we unloaded the car and carried everything into my bedroom to set it on our bed – oh, I mean gift wrapping station.

And there was a pile of gifts wrapped in wrinkled, pieced together mush.

I walked into the livingroom to confront my husband.

“Did you already wrap your gifts?” I ask. “I thought I told you that you could wrap them tonight after I bought new paper and tags?”

“It is tonight!” says Steve.

“Yes, it is now 6:03 p.m., but it wasn’t evening when you wrapped them!” I respond.

“I don’t like to wait until the last minute!” says The Hubster, though I do know from twenty years of prior experience with the man that he does in fact often do exactly that.

“Come here please,” I request.

In our room, with the door shut, I pick up a package. There was a wrinkly glob of wrapping paper in the corner of the box.

“What is this?” I ask.

“The gift tag. I made it myself.”

“I can see that, Sweetie. Why is it taped shut?” I inquire.

“Because the paper was too wrinkled to stay shut,” explains my ‘creative’ mate.

I carefully unstuck one side of the mess to peer at the writing.

“Steve! Why does it say ‘From the elves and reindeer?’ Do you mean ‘Santa’?” I am flabbergasted.

Why do I have to do everything your way? Why can’t you just leave me alone!”

With that he thunders off.

Oh Sweetheart, please don’t tempt me! After all, it's Christmas!


  1. At least your Aspie bought gift for others. Mine complains about what he gets and says that no one takes time to select his gift. He doesnt buy one, not even mine. Both he and my son bought and got what they wanted (very expensive) prior to Christmas. There was no reason to wrap, they were already using them. If they know what someone is getting then they somehow manage to work it into the conversation, like children with a secret that cant be kept. Christmas with Aspie's is the pits. So many pitfalls and expectations that they are just not capable of managing. Its easier just to let it roll and hope not too many people's feelings are hurt in the process and get it over with. Though you wont hear me say any of this on my blog post. Happy Happy Christmas. Thank goodness i can tell the truth to someone. Ive asked for time away for my gift. Its on the cards but as it approaches i know i will have to manage it very carefully for it to come off.

    1. *sigh* it was interesting for me also yesterday - twenty years of sharing christmas together with basically the same exact traditions and steve insisted he couldn't remember how we did gift exchanging (i.e. he shop for me and i do everything else) - but i was determined to have a wonderful day so i did! i am so thankful for my kids, family and friends - there are times when i really, really need them...