I can't imagine living life with Aspergers Syndrome.
There are so many things that my husband just doesn't get. And it makes him anxious, confused, angry, frustrated.
"Steve, can I borrow your glue gun for a minute? I just broke off this little doo-dad on my Christmas ornament, and I think that if I put a touch of hot glue on it will be just fine."
The Hubster is watching a car show on TV and looking up car parts or something on his 'puter. He doesn't acknowledge that he heard my request, so after a few minutes I repeat it.
"WHAT?" thunders Hubby without turning his head from his computer screen. "You did NOT say you wanted me to GET IT, or if you were going to get it, and if you wanted it THIS MINUTE or if you wanted it NEXT WEEK, or if you were just ASKING as a general point of reference, and you TOLD me not to make assumptions!"
The roar that emanated from his still-seated form nearly deafened me as I was standing merely two feet away holding the ornament with its broken piece in my hands.
I allowed the ringing in my ears to subside before I responded.
"I'm sorry, Dear. I didn't remember to specifically ask you if I could use it now, and if you would get it for me, please."
I was trying hard to stay calm. I really just wanted to get the tree decorating done as there was a long list of other things I wanted to do.
Still remaining motionless, Steve continued to sit.
I sighed and asked, "If you tell me where it is, may I go get it?"
The Hubster's fingers began dancing across his keyboard.
"Huh?" he grunts, still glued to the 'puter screen.
I look at the ornament in my right hand and the "spare" piece pinched with my left fingers. I sigh and set them down on a table.
Looks like the only thing that getting glued right now is his focus on his web search.
Anyone see the forest for the trees? lol
LOL except its not funny. I seem to spend my life trying to remember how to phrase things, what tone to use and if im not upsetting one then its the other and when my back is turned (probably whilst doing something for them) they talk about me like im a "Thing" or my name is "Her" or "She". The response to simple requests is always anger. Sometimes (many times) i wonder why i keep going. Am i destined for a life of servitude without appreciation. They have a long expensive list of all the things they want for Christmas (Hubby and Teenage Son) and because i know they will come to me and demand that i tell them what i want (so they dont have to inconvenience themselves or go to any effort) i said calmly that id appreciate a couple of days away on my own to rest and regroup. "What do you mean, on your own, what are we suppose to do, what kind of a marriage is that, you are being selfish." Hubby says "so im suppose to look after Tom am i, you know how much work he is:. Yeah, i do and he is as well - hence the need to rest.
ReplyDeleteas i go back and reread my own posts, i am often reminded that while i didn't actually 'choose' this life, i did choose to commit myself 'for better or worse' - the last time i checked, there wasn't a definition of 'worse'...
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Julie, so, so happy to see your posts! The isolation one can feel with living with an Aspie can be so difficult at times, you give me new prespective and it helps with everyday!!! thank you, thank you!
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welcome to our 'club'! i hope that together we can become better mates, and that we can choose to laugh a lot...
DeleteAs an Autism Specialist with a father with Asperger's and brother with autism I hear these stories regularly. Sometimes reminds me of alcoholic/addict relationships with one party walking on eggshells constantly anticipating the other party's motives, moods, and behavior.
ReplyDeleteeven after twenty years i still lapse into expecting 'normal' responses - i have to remind myself that steve's hard wiring is simply different, that his intent isn't necessarily mean spirited... though there are times, lol
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