Saturday, August 16, 2014

Be Yourself...

My dear Ozzie friend Lynda D has nailed it. Her blog Living In The Land of Oz has the perfect quote from Oscar Wilde on her masthead.

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."

This week, middle of August, has been wet and stormy. Highly unusual for the greater Seattle area. High humidity, thunder and lightening, high winds, power outages.

Our household has experienced similar 'weather' patterns in a certain spouse's emotional state.

It's enough to make me go "hmmmm".

Sometimes Steve grows discontented with life in general for no apparent (to me) reason. Sometimes it can result from stress at work. Sometimes it's simple frustration with a car project he's working on. Occasionally I swear he has PMS.

His birthday is rapidly approaching. Expectations are a jumble to him. Our families run the gambit from ignoring birthdays, to forgetting them, to quiet celebrations, to out and out joyous week long festivities.

Yes, I am the latter type as you may have guessed.

Last couple of years The Hubster's parents have forgotten his birthday until a week or two afterwards.


Steve is not adopted. He lived with them for eighteen years. I am not exactly sure how they could 'forget' their first born, but it crushes his soul.

My in-laws routinely exclude us from family events or they invite Steve only. No spouse, no kids allowed (except for all of Steve's siblings' families and their ex-spouses). Steve's family vehemently deny his Aspergers Syndrome. They send emails offering to pay for him to divorce me and 'return' to his 'family'. 

In short, they refuse to accept him for who he is. They want to control his 'windows'.

Which is very sad, as my husband is an intelligent, though often quiet man who is welcomed at all other get-togethers and gatherings we attend. Apparently he doesn't fit his parents or siblings criteria or expectations. True, communications in close one on one relationships can be challenging for my Spouse, but gosh, no one is perfect.

Besides, as his wife I am the only one who is allowed to be irritated with his behaviors, right? 



  1. I so agree. I can rant and rave for seemingly hours sometimes about my frustrations with son and hubby but dont let anyone else hurt or say mean things about them or i become a lioness. Your "Out-Laws" are simply the pits and dont deserve you. Goodness, imagine if you hadnt rescued Steve from their clutches. You do realise that by admitting there might be autism in the family they might have to examine their own behaviour which doesnt appear "quite right", now does it.

    Just be glad that you dont come from their gene pool and stand up for the ones that unfortunately do. Big Hug.

  2. I'm in the same situation with my guys siblings. Except without the paying for things part. They just want him to "Grow up" and are tired about hearing his crazy issues with me. I find out about such things after remaining dorment for years, and when I refute the issues, I am the drama making one. I've recently connected the originator to such things as his (now) ex-wife who I believe is a sociopath and when we tried to get help for the AS boy, she didn't want to go to counseling, didn't want "parental" figures to be together (me) in such events, and in the end, she just didn't want to be told what to do from anyone (my AS, me or counselors).
    Unfortunately, the youngest sister has been chatty with her and apparently gossiped the ex-wife's fabricated life of ours to the sister.
    How's that for messed up? And why on earth would anyone believe the accounts of another couple from someone who does not live in that house? The whole thing is batty. Without me, their brother (my guy) would be on the side of the road living in a box. I take care of everything. When I've been gone for a few months working across the country, his world went into chaos. Who got blamed? me!