Monday, August 11, 2014

Groundhogs Day

I love comedies. Bill Murray is one of my favorite actors. From 'Saturday Night Live' to 'Ghostbusters' to 'What About Bob', he has kept me laughing my frustrations away.

Except for Groundhogs Day. I haven't enjoyed that movie since I realized that my Aspergian husband and I are doomed to repeating our bungled communications and actions day after day after day.

I really am trying to pull a 'Bill Murray' and learn from the previous day's blunders. Unlike Bill's experiences in the movie, I've yet to convince my hubby that we can do/think/say it differently.

I try really hard to explain to Steve why it crushed me when he used the weed eater on my English Country garden, and why I burst into tears at the sight of that mangled green mess in front of my bay window along side of our front walkway.

"But you told me to weed-eat it!" The Hubster proclaims indignantly.

"No, no, no Steve," I replied, trying hard not to sob. "I asked you if you would have an hour to spare today to help me weed it."

"WELL I DIDN'T!" erupts my Mate. "And by using the weed eater it only took me SEVEN minutes!"

I stare at him incredulously.

"But you killed all of my flowers!" I protest. "I've been collecting those plants and flower seeds for years!"

"Well," states my Spouse, "There are no more weeds are there! Won't the flowers grow back?"

I continue to stare at him, speechless. I turn on my heel and walk away.

Steve doesn't like to do things unless he fully understands the reasoning behind the action. Having Aspergers Syndrome means that he very likely will never fully understand most of the things I work hard on in and around our home.

He refuses to put dishes in our dishwasher when he is done because he is insulted that I move things around to make room for other items later on. According to him, once placed in, that item can never be moved again, or else I am indicating that he is stupid.

"But Sweetheart, I move everything around, even things I put in myself!" I try to explain. "I never know exactly what will end up in there, or how best to fit it!"

"Why do you have to control everything?" Hubby demands. "Why can't we do it MY way?"


"Steve, I bought this nice cabinet to set right here by your recliner to keep all of your magazines and books in so your stacks aren't on the floor when we vacuum, and so they don't topple over off the end table," I volunteer informatively. "That way you can stack them any way you wish in the cabinet and then close the doors."

"Why can't I use the floor or end table?" blurts The Hubster. "This is MY house too!"


"Why should I have to make the bed when I'm just going to get back in it tonight? Why are there all of these pillows that we don't even use? How are the sheets going to air out if I have to pull the blankets and quilt up? Why..." he mutters as he stomps off to the bathroom to get ready for work.


"Why can't I drink water out of the same glass that I leave by the sink? It's just water! Why do you keep switching my glass? How do I know if it's mine if you keep switching it?" roars my Spouse in the kitchen.

"All the glasses look exactly the same!" I protest. "You wouldn't even know if it was your old one or a clean one if you hadn't seen me switch it!"

"Why are you soooooo CONTROLLING!" shouts my Mate.


I believe one of the hardest things about marriage to an Aspie is the Groundhogs Day phenomenon. 

Of course there is a flip side to it all. Steve tends to forget the days that I get mad, and ignores the days I am irritated, lol. Perhaps we should go watch a comedy!


  1. Ive never seen a groundhog but i certainly have experienced Groundhog Day over and over and over........ My husband cant work out why i cant just buy veggies like everyone else, why do i have to grow them? Aspie son wont stack the dishwasher for the above same reason but i have convinced him that if he want $20 pocketmoney each week he had better empty it but he does exactly that, empty it onto the benches because i did tell him to empty the dishwasher and put the dishes away in the cupboards. That's two jobs! Oh Lordy, we (you and me) need a holiday!

    I cant imagine how sad you must be over your flower beds. If i was close to you i would turn up with a load of plants for you and we would plant them together.

    1. lol - wouldn't have ever considered it two jobs! i'd better watch those 'ands'...

      i would love to plant with you, perhaps virtually?

  2. The literal thinking/answers and actions!
    I don't know about you, but I get the "What" and the "huh" (out of the AS boy) in knee jerk responses. I count down from 5 and I'll usually get some sort of answer out of them. Some sort is the point. I looked up Auditory Processing deficits and BINGO!

    I have had HUGE issues with his ex-wife manipulating him. She cheated on him 5ish years before me, but she is a sociopath (in my educated opinion) and likes to keep him on a leash so she can take the head of household tax credits *every* year, change the schedule to exchange the boy completely at her whim, have him pay for her car and heath insurance years later (even though she got a job at the same company with benefits offered to her).
    What did she know that I didn't? She knew how to take advantage of the literal speak! So when she says to him "it's cheaper all around if we have the insurance on the family plan" he agrees, but doesn't at all process (auditory processing in play here) that this means that he's paying for something and she's not!

    I learned to talk in absolute tiny tine line disclosures from the boy doing exactly that with the dishwasher! LOL
    I can't tell you how many times I've had the same issues and described living with him as the movie Groundhog day to the counselor who first noticed his AS when she met with us about the boy in 2012. She loved the term! So funny you thought of it too!. I've said it's like an Etch-A-Sketch in their brain when they go to sleep, no matter how well you thought you got through to them the day before... Whoosh! It's gone!
    Money and food, the only motivators I've found to help!

    1. funniest thing for me about the movie is that i used to sell insurance, lol