Sunday, June 3, 2012


I’ve been pondering cowboys and their ways. Is it possible they all have Aspergers? They seem to prefer isolation, don’t talk much, aren’t social, don’t care about manners or ‘niceties’, get along with animals better than humans, and are seemingly immune to discomforts. Their intense single interest would be guns, cattle or horses.
My favorite ‘cowboy’ actors are Robert Duvall, Sam Elliot, and Tom Selleck. I could watch Lonesome Dove, Tombstone and Crossfire Trail daily without growing weary of them. Those three actors definitely don’t have Aspergers.
My husband is once again questioning his diagnosis. He doesn’t understand, or at least doesn’t accept, how out of step with other people he is.
We played a board game Friday night with our kids, who were over for my birthday. My daughter and her boyfriend made dinner for us all. After we stuffed ourselves we played Apples to Apples. Two full, complete games. We all had a ball hooting and laughing. Except for my hubby who sat sullenly at his end of the table.
Steve didn’t win. In fact, he only got one ‘green’ card in the second game, none in the first. He was flabbergasted.
“I don’t understand,” says he. “All my answers were perfect,” he laments.
Uh huh.
In the game you are given a descriptive word such as ‘cheesy’ that is on a green card. Players have a handful of red cards that are nouns. Everyone takes a turn at collecting noun cards from other players to ‘match’ the descriptive word, then picking the one they like the best. It can be apples to apples or apples to oranges. In this case ‘cheesy’ was ‘toes’. It could have been Jim Carrey, Mt. Rushmore, school pictures, or cheddar cheese. The person who submitted 'toes' won the green card 'cheesy'. They are happily on their way to a win.
Steve was upset that his word wasn’t chosen. In his mind cheddar cheese is ‘cheesy’. True, but not how we tend to play the game. We all usually pick the noun that makes us laugh the most. He is too literal to play well. The first person to collect a preset number of green cards wins. We were all close to winning. Well, everyone but my poor Aspie hubby.
Yesterday Steve needed to work  from home all day. Once again his laptop was giving him fits. He was having a meltdown on the phone with the IT guy, so I walked into the living room to ask him to calm down. He became more irate. It reminded me of a post on that I read recently.
“How do you get over being angry that it's always you that has to adjust or change; even when the NT way is illogical, inefficient, or just plain dumb? I am asking about this primarily in the context of employment, where I am constantly on the edge of unemployment because I have such a difficult time restraining myself from letting my boss know how ridiculous some of the corporate requests are, not to mention my difficulty with "being a team player". I can be tactful, but this tends to go right out the window when I am stressed. Suggestions?”
There were a number of posts in response, but the thread was basically the same. Each person has the choice of how to react to situations they experience. The acceptance part of being a person with Aspergers Syndrome is just recognizing that things that happen in life will be different from your viewpoint. Different from the NTs veiwpoint (NeuroTypical – one without Aspergers).

Sweetie,I know you don’t understand. I know that you don’t ‘get it’. And I know that you think you are right about everything. Living with you has taught me that.
Apples to Volcanos, if you get my drift.


  1. I hate that game!!! Ha ha;) I do get why he was frustrated! From my point of view though- put yourself in his place- how frustrating is it to have the majority of the world not get you at all? Also to have the world do things in such a foreign way. It's really tough. I know so many Aspies who struggle for understanding yet not many NTs do the work back. We may come across as cold but did you know that Aspie women are so empathetic that they feel what another feels? Since they do not know how to exPress that or are too overwhelmed they shut down and seem cold. I wonder if it is the same for men? Feeling too much instead of too little?
    Life is so strange to me yet I believe I am also here to add what I can. I love all my NT friends and they find me quirky and loveable most days. My son gives me conversations that make my heart soar...
    The Bazinga resources guide on my blog may help both you and your hubby although it sounds like you have done your research!;) does he have high sensory overload? That can make tempers fly!;) the therapy I received for that and the book " too loud too bright too fast too tight" helPed me become less overwhelmed and cranky;)

    1. random noises or general commotion seems to be steve's sensory overload trigger - when i really need to talk to him we need to be in a very quiet environment and i ask him to close his eyes so he can listen to me - i usually recognize when his stress levels at work are up, his 'meltdown' threshold is much lower - i try to keep our home schedules constant and have our kidlet hang out at friends homes instead of at our home when steve is frazzled - i really appreciate your sharing!

  2. Whoops! I signed in with my personal blog. Sorry. I like to keep the Aspie one separate with my other name;) ah well. Sorry for the confusion. My iPhone must have had me signed in!

    1. however you sign in, audrey, i am glad for your input!

      blessings to you and your family,