Monday, August 20, 2012

I Contact

I am pretty sure that Steve isn’t listening to me explain Kidlet’s new high school schedule. He seems to be trying to focus on my left shoulder and act interested in my dialog, but his expression is one of total distraction.
“And there’s a purple camel behind you about to slobber on your head,” I conclude. I stop talking and sit back to wait.
The Hubster continues to stare at my shoulder, and tries to smile. He nods his head.
We sit quietly for a while. It’s hard for me to sit still, but I do. Suddenly Steve frowns. He looks directly at my face with furrowed brows and then looks around us. I am getting myself ready to repeat my previous conversation when I realize that Steve is thinking about something else all together.
“Do you think we should just try to use the mufflers that Manlet gave you from that BMW?” asks my spouse. “We can always try to find FlowMasters later.”
I laugh. I knew it!
“What’s so funny?” demands the Hubster.
“Nothing Dear,” I respond, still chuckling. Steve looks confused.
I’ve run across a new blog Life with Aspergers that has a piece on Apergers and Eye Contact:
An Aspie Point of View
Eye contact hurts. no, not in the painful sense but it's quite uncomfortable. I always feel that I'm revealing more than I want to with eye contact and that I'm receiving more information than I want to know. Of course, I know that eye contact is critical to spoken communication, so often I'll compromise by either of two methods
The blog goes on to suggest a couple of methods and give some personal examples of how the blogger deals with the situations. I was fascinated to read through the comment section. I suppose I hadn’t truly understood how uncomfortable, overwhelming, and even painful for Aspies to have to make eye contact with others. One person even commented:
“Why do we have to try to change anything about ourselves it's who we are.”
Once again it’s an “OH!” moment for me. That is so true.
I remember teasing Kidlet once when he was three. He looked at me solemnly and said, “That’s ridiculous, you silly woman!” He then turned and went off about his business. I stood in shock for a moment or two, then began laughing so hard I nearly fell over.
Thinking about it still cracks me up. I’m beginning to have the same reaction to my expectations about my hubby’s communication techniques. I am silly!


  1. I hear you loud and clear and I am paying attention to what you are saying. LOL Goodness, I sometimes do get attention but then a blank look and "i'm not interested in that", "thats got nothing to do with me", "I dont want to talk about other peoples problems". The self absorption is at time hilarious but often upsetting. Im a people person and I involve myself in everything. Both husband and son only want to talk and do things for themselves. They resent my friends and attack my volunteering efforts - they want me all to themselves. At the moment I am trying to build a vegie garden and my son has a real thing about it. In truth, he wants my time and my money spent on him. Such is life!

    1. oh my oh my oh my! you've hit the nail squarely on the head - i think i get the most frustrated with the self absorption - in reality it's more of a lack of maturity i believe - part of the stunted emotional growth that i see in my hubby - the kid-play, focus on self, inward perspectives, single focuses - these are really just immature social developments, don't you think? though the understanding of it doesn't make it less maddening, lol...