Sunday, August 26, 2012

What’s Your Point?

It’s amazing how wonderful life can be with good communication.
It’s equally amazing how terrible it can be without.
For a person who lacks the ability to successfully convey their thoughts and feelings to those around them in their family lives, work place and relationships it must be the thrill of victory one minute, and the agony of defeat the next.
I find that I have to pay very close attention to Steve’s moods, body language, and facial expressions, as well as his hand signals, in order to adequately communicate with him on a regular basis.
My husband is a finger thrower.
Years ago, not long after I had first met him, my sweet Hubby-to-be was trying to describe something to me. I had gotten distracted for some reason and suddenly realized that he had stopped talking and was wilding throwing his right hand out and away from himself with his index finger pointing forward and the rest of his digits curled up into a fist.
“What?” I asked in puzzlement.
More finger throwing accompanied by a fierce look of frustration.
“Steve, what’s wrong?” I continued to quiz.
He threw his arm down to his side and stomped off. I was bewildered.
I have since figured out that Steve’s mind is such a whirlwind of activity that sometimes his words get lost. He becomes extremely agitated when this happens and he can only point towards something as he searches the recesses of his mind for what it is he is trying to say.
Sometimes I can guess, sometimes I can’t. If I don’t deduce his intend in an expedient fashion, my Sweetie becomes frantic. That in turn frustrates me. Communication breakdown. It’s a tough one to circumvent.
Verbal communication serves many purposes, such as requesting things, getting attention, giving or receiving information, expressing feelings and opinions. Those with Aspergers Syndrome are often severely hampered by their inability to communicate efficiently or express their own emotional state.
Granted, Steve’s nonverbal finger throwing will get my attention, as well as serve as an occasional irritant in my life. But I am learning to be more patient and help him use his words. Of course his method of delivery can be interesting or startling, depending upon the situation. (see "The Bark is Worse") 
It must be time to laugh.


  1. Yes, Yes, agree as usual. Hubby seems to stumble over his words trying to get them. He doesnt realise that it sounds like stuttering and sometimes he loses what he was saying. This makes him mad, because someone did it to him. I find it frustrating that he cannot be interupted by any sound while he is speaking or he loses track. But as you say, what we are hearing audibly is only part of the traffic that is going on in their head. When we are on the phone and I am listening to him, he will stop and ask if Im still there. Yes, I say, I am listening to you. Gosh, we live in a strange world - thank goodness I am patient and forgiving. Yes, I have extreme difficulty with vocal tones. Everything is pitched and sharp and loud so I feel threatened when they are not even angry. So confusing but sometimes I am tired of trying to understand. Do you know what I mean?

    1. absolutely - i'm an early morning person - by 8:30 at night i'm really, really tired and can't listen well - it feels like my ears have turned themselves off...

      we all have our thresholds - tolerance and forbearance with each other in our relationships is a mark of maturity that i know that i personally am working towards...

  2. Funny, Im an early morning person too. I bet they are not which means...... a few moments of peace. Im also a very late nighter, im here at 11pm writing to you and reading blogs. Again, peace and quiet and no demands. Hubby came to me about 9pm and asked if I'd make him a coffee. I said, hang on, didnt I make you breakfast, lunch and dinner, and now you want coffee? Also, tonight he was speaking to me (about something he had already told me) and trying to undo a vacuum sealed package at the same time. I was standing beside him and started to pick up the rubbish he was carelessly disgarding. He stopped talking and said he was sick of me not listening to him. I told him I was and that my ears and hands were not connected. Wasnt he speaking and doing something as well??? Crazy Crazy life.

    1. often it seems that my hubby judges my actions based on his OWN tendencies - he definitely isn't a multi-tasker, along with having trouble focusing on conversations in general... lol - the proverbial "look who's calling the kettle black"...