Once again I am reminded of how blessed I am to be still married to my Aspie Hubby. Not all are equally so.
I try to regularly read a number of blogs and websites dedicated to Aspergers Syndrome. A few days ago there was a post on the GRASP website by a fellow who’s son has Aspergers, and who is wondering if his wife does also. He was contemplating marriage counseling as they are currently separated.
My heart goes out to them. I realize that one of the most important aspects in maintaining a healthy relationship is good communication. If one of the partners is ‘handicapped’ in communicating, it makes it much harder to do so.
Normally I don’t comment on blogs or posts (and yes, fb is a different matter). I did feel lead to commenting on this one.
“not too sure you can find help in the marriage counseling area, anywhere - my husband has aspergers syndrome - i became extremely frustrated in both reading literature "for" neurotypicals married/in relationships with aspies & going to various marriage counselors - it/they all seemed so negative and discouraging…”
Over the years Steve and I have tried literally dozens of counselors and therapists. There's only been a couple that have had any helpful input at all.
Why? I’m sure it’s because the others have all expected us to look at our communication problems, recognize them as problems, and take appropriate steps to change how we communicate. Which, with me, is possible and most of the time, probable. Not so much with Steve. He either doesn't recognize a problem, consider it a problem, or think he needs to change anything.
I know that I am better now at stating in direct language my needs to my Hubby. I know that I can’t hint around as Steve doesn’t/can't pick up on nuances. There are many of my emotions that he flat out doesn’t get, regardless of how I explain them.
"That's just silly," says he.
And no, I don't always hold my temper when he states that. I'm getting better though.
The counselors that we actually have been able to work with were not specifically ‘marriage’ counselors. They were ‘Aspergers Syndrome’ counselors. Even so, they readily admit that they don’t have all the answers as they aren’t Aspies themselves. They are quick to point out that though they don’t fully understand Steve’s perspective on life, they have worked with enough Aspies that they recognize many of the common issues we deal with, and can suggest positive and helpful methods for adaptation or change.
Of course, those with Aspergers Syndrome just love change, now don’t they? lol