Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Go Ahead & Stare

It’s a lovely spring day. We have driven into the city to take our young son to the zoo. Though it is a warm afternoon, the crowd is sparse and there is an abundance of room on the footpaths between exhibits to skip, run and jump.
People are turning to stare.
Really? They’ve never seen a grownup enjoying the freedom to move about willy nilly, and perfect weather in which to do so?
Oh. Perhaps they are staring because Steve is doing this without the Kidlet and I, who are meandering behind him a few dozen feet.
The Hubster has been a wonderful playmate with our kids and their friends. His intensity tends to be contagious. However, he seems to lack the understanding of situational appropriateness. As the kids have gotten older, their ‘play’ has changed. What was fun at five and six is downright embarrassing at thirteen.
A good article in Hope Network explains thusly:
"It is important to remember that people with Asperger’s are as different from one another as any two people in the general population.  While it is true that people with Asperger’s syndrome tend to share general problems in socialization, communication, and behavior, the manner in which these problems are manifested leaves room for a tremendous variety of individual differences – as much variety as is found in any group of people.

A person with Asperger’s syndrome may appear to others as unmotivated or lazy; he may do very well in one-on-one interactions but very poorly in group settings, or very well in one classroom setting but horribly in another.  Children with Asperger’s syndrome may interact quite well with adults, but struggle with other children… While the day-to-day difficulties and the neurological differences that are characteristic of Asperger’s syndrome may be confusing and frustrating, they are not arbitrary and, despite possible appearances to the contrary, the person with Asperger’s syndrome does not choose to be “weird” or lazy.
For example, it is not unusual for people to (often accurately) perceive the person with Asperger’s syndrome as quite bright.  They then become frustrated with what appears to be purposefully provocative, disrespectful, or immature behavior.  Because the person with Asperger’s syndrome is less able to decipher nonverbal cues that others are becoming irritated or frustrated, these situations often end up in emotional “explosions.”  Consequently, the person with Asperger’s Syndrome is yet again reminded of the degree to which he is different from those around him, thus exacerbating a common sense of loneliness, estrangement, and sadness or anger. While the person with Asperger’s syndrome is as capable as anyone of being purposefully rude or disrespectful, the likelihood of misunderstanding is exponentially greater when Asperger’s syndrome is present and the potential emotional damage that can occur is greater."

I’m fairly use to it. The staring, that is. My hubby will often surprise me with his varied antics in public. From his absent-minded humming or flapping to his falling asleep-snoring at the movie theater, I’ve seen (and heard) a lot over the years. As I age, I like to pretend that they are really just awestruck at my beauty. lol


  1. Seems to be a day for defending spouses. On the radio this morning one of the presenters defended her loving husband against cruel social media comments about his being older, not up to her standard etc etc. When in fact he is not a public person and is the love of her life as he takes care of the family and home which enables her to be a big star. I though how true. I often might have a vent about living his an Aspie husband but would roar like a lion if anyone came after him. Read my post from last night - how many husbands would talk to worms and say goodnight when putting the blanket on and then welcome them to the family. Moments like these i think im blessed.

  2. PS - they maybe be oddballs but they are OUR oddballs. Have a great Easter Weekend.

    1. double amen! and also to you and your family, my dear...