Monday, March 11, 2013

Turn the Tables

“What the heck is this?” asked my puzzled mate.
“Periodic tables, I believe,” says I.
“No that’s not!” blurts spouse. “It’s not even in English!”
“Can’t the tables be in another language?” I quiz. “Or even in scientific symbols or something?” I am now a bit embarrassed at not knowing, but I have never, ever claimed to be a scientist. “After all, a number is still a number no matter what language you speak, correct?” I try to reason.
Now an incoherent babbling of sound/mumbling comes from the Hubster’s location, though I am realizing that his position is on the move, probably towards the front door in order to escape out to his shop.
Steve does not like anything to be different from his mind set. He seems to enjoy learning, however, which is hard for me to comprehend. How can you be cemented in place with certain ideas yet spend time, energy and money to take ongoing classes to learn new things?
Next week is our twentieth anniversary. That means we have endured/survived 7,300 days together, give or take a few extra leap year days. Just last night my beloved hubby was telling me that he needs to do some things differently in our relationship.
Ummm hmmm.
Trouble is he’s been saying that on and off for years, with no apparent changes. I ask him if he would believe his boss if he were to be told he was to receive a raise over and over and over again with no change in his paycheck. Steve conceded that he probably wouldn’t. I then ask him if I should believe him when he says he’s going to act better towards me or change some of his self-serving ways.
He says “Of course! I’m your husband!”
Oh. Sure. Okay.
When he gets into his self-absorbed world to the exclusion of our kids and me, I wonder how he’d feel if I turned the tables on him and began acting the same way.
With my luck, he probably wouldn’t notice.
And that, of course, would sort of defeat the purpose, don’t you thing? Lol…


  1. You are right, he wouldnt notice. I hurt my knee Thursday night. Its getting better but im still hobbling around grimacing and they dont even see it. I still get a callout, when ive got my leg up with ice, "Can you get me this". "Can you drive to shops and get that". "Where is this, can you look". Funny - its our 20th this year as well.

  2. Hi. I am recently married to a man that has been diagnosed with Aspergers. The physical side of the relationship seems over as does the emotional. It's almost as if now he has me he has no need to woo me or even be affectionate to me. He promises he will change- reading your post makes me worry that nothing will ever change- that I will always be alone and isolated if I stay with him. I do love him, but he can't seem to love me back. I suppose I just want to ask- is it worth it. Looking back over all those days and years- is loving someone that is distant and in their own head worth it? Have you been happy?

    1. *sigh* this is tough - aspergers in my experience is basically a lack of emotional growth and social skills - both necessary ingredients in a good marriage - there are days i'm so frustrated that i could scream & many other days i absolutely adore my hubby - after twenty years of marriage i guess i keep coming down to the fact that i said "i do" for best or worse... if steve had some sort of debilitating accident that rendered him incapable of speech or movement, i wouldn’t dream of leaving him – if you get right down to it, we all have to ‘make’ our own happiness & we all ‘speak’ our own love language – there is nothing wrong with saying “i don’t feel like you love me – can you give me more hugs/kisses/cuddles” – not all apsies can deal with close physical contact all the time so maybe an act of love could be him sending you texts or emails saying ‘i love you’ could make you feel more connected – there are tons of times my hubby prefers to be alone, which is fine with me as I have so many of my own interests to pursue (reading, writing, crafts, visiting my own friends & kids) – we have a lot of shared interests too (including his focal interest of cars) which usually makes him happy which makes me happy – i would never cast out one of my children because they were being teenagers, whoops, I mean not acting loving towards me – same with the hubster – sure, it’s been a lot of work, but hey, most things that are worthwhile to me are – I encourage you to read all you can about aspergers syndrome, sharing these doubts with your spouse, spend time regularly in meditation or prayer, and find a good friend or an nt/aspie group to ‘vent’ – it works wonders for your own peace of mind! who knows, he may feel as confused as you right now, lol...