Sunday, September 15, 2013

Brain Melt

Just when I think that Steve can’t do anything else to amaze or confound me, he does just that.

I do recognize that many Aspergians have a bit of OCD in their makeup. My spouse most certainly does. I am not sure to what degree it plays in his theory of mind or mind set-ness, but lately it’s been a dominate force.


Friday it came to light that Steve is now trying to ‘fix’ an incident that happened seven years ago. And alter a perception of something else that happened three years ago. And solve a recent misunderstanding that is not fixable. All of which he refuses to leave alone.

He has spent the last ten days totally obsessed by these three things, making phone calls and trying to make changes that could possibly severely damage our family.

He won’t stop.

I’ve tried to reason with him. I’ve tried to get him to talk to someone, professional and non-involved, to put everything into perspective and accept the realities of all three situations.

He is stubbornly resisting. He refuses to consider anything other than his mindset. He is fixated on achieving an impossible conclusion.

Holy moly.

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, I remind him. Not a war. Not a competition. We are to work together for the good of our family.

Uh huh.

When we first married, we agreed that we wouldn’t do anything individually that we couldn’t agree on together. He now says that he didn’t really agree.

Would he be happier alone, I ask.

He says he isn’t sure.

Oh boy.

Does he realize that he is fixated on subjects that are unchangeable? He refuses to recognize that. He is of the belief that his thought process can alter reality, that if he has something in his mind, then it must be true.

I found an extensive article on Aspergers and OCD.

Now I think that my brain is melting.


  1. Goodness, that is a challenge for you. I often get the, "im leaving speach, i cant do this anymore speech" but this weekend i spent two 1/2 days with my Mum and they were going crazy because i wasnt there. Once i was, they didnt want me anyway. I just have to be there. Im thinking of you.

    1. hope you had a good visit w/your mum! we are never bored, are we? lol

  2. I've seen some of that in myself, only after other people point it out. I cannot "move on" from something that isn't resolved. Either I try to fix it or my mind torments me with what I did wrong. For a long time.

    Example...I was engaged. She then decided she didn't want an autistic guy (for apparently very good reasons). So out I go. No warning, no chance to even hear what's troubling her and try to fix it. Just, "it's time to leave now because of all these reasons, including some things I told you weren't a problem but they actually are."

    It's been eight months and I still haven't found a way to put it all to rest. I have no desire to ever be in another relationship. I'll probably be alone for the rest of my life, all thanks to OCD and my inability to deal with anything the "right way".

    1. *sigh* i am so sorry - relationships are hard, for everyone - i wrote this eight days ago and steve is just starting to sort through it all in his mind - as for you finding another love, chances are you will when you least expect it - try not to beat yourself up - no one is perfect and we can all learn from previous experiences, whether our own or those of others...