Thursday, February 13, 2014


I do know that my hubby's aspie traits are much more apparent now than when I first met him when he was in his mid-twenties.  He wasn't diagnosed until his late thirties, and even then he didn't tell me for almost three years! By then he’d had several other reconfirming diagnoses, but still hadn’t accepted or admitted it yet.

I actually stumbled upon a Can This Marriage Be Saved article in a ladies magazine. Leaping up I yelled "THIS IS YOU!", then practically threw the magazine into his blank face.

I had felt for many years after we were first married that there was something wrong, that Steve was holding back some 'deep dark secret’. He didn’t initiate conversation except about cars (his focal interest). He would mumble and ‘hmmmm’ at me during ‘heart to heart’ conversations, probably to acknowledge he still heard noise coming from me. He appeared distracted when I tried to talk to him. He would shrug noncommittally when asked direct preferences.

Which, of course, came back to bite me as I would think that he had no preference for beef or chicken for dinner, just to cook the chicken and have him complain that we never have beef.


Tomorrow marks the two year mark since my first blog posting on this site. Two years of researching, contemplating, writing, and answering emails, comments and tweets.

Tomorrow is another Valentine’s Day.

Is Steve different? Of course. If anything, his traits are becoming more pronounced. He really should quit driving, and I have redone our master bedroom into a fully acquitted retreat where he can watch TV, read and eat in solitude. Does that make him easier to get along with? Nope, but it sure the heck makes my life more peaceful.

Am I different? Of course! I am amazed at how knowledge and understanding  can change my perspective of Steve’s reactions and behaviors. Does that mean I don’t experience frustration, anger or self-pity? Heck no! I would like to think that I am better at handling those situations that can frustrate me, that I yell less and smile more.

I do know that sharing these things with our kids has helped them view their dad’s actions in a whole different light. Our youngest son is now in his mid-teens, and seems more comfortable in dealing with his father’s ‘absences’, understanding that Steve deals with emotions in a nontraditional way.

I do believe that I’ve found more things to laugh about than brood about, and that is progress!

And no, I honestly do not expect Steve to remember the significance of tomorrow’s ‘holiday’. Perhaps that is the most progress of all, LOL!


  1. Your blog is awesome - the most positive but still honest. It really helps to know we're not alone!!! Good luck for St Valentines Day ;)

    1. our 'luck' is what we make it! i really don't like the amount of money spent on cards, i do like flowers, and the good Lord knows i don't need any candy! so, to be perfectly truthful, what THIS woman really wants is some hugs and cuddles at home in front of a cute movie on netfix! with no interupting or silly talk... woo hoo!

  2. thank you, your insight it precious and continues to give me hope. I don't have a great sense of humor, but I'm working on it. Thank you and Happy Valentines from another wife of a suspected Aspie. xxoo

    1. once upon a time, an older gentleman told me that humor is the oil in life that keeps the machinery from squeeking - i have found it to be true for me - happy valentines day to you also! xxoo :)

  3. I know that "knowing" certainly helped me with regards to both my son and husband. I was so resentful before and now i think i deal with it much better. So many people said "walk away (even my own family), find a life, how can i put up with it, where does your patience come from, what about you?" Well all i can say that is that they are my family and for better or worse, i love them.

    I very much appreciate you posts. So few people understand why we stay and so its like having a good friend that shares her journey, so much like ours, and lets us know we are not mad and not alone.

    Thank You.

    Hubby asked me what i would like for valentines day (he is out of a job, again, but starts a new one in a few weeks) and i asked for him to mow the back lawn around my veggie garden. He did so and also bought me a plant pot to my taste (french provincial). So progress.... I bought him some heart shaped shortbread biscuits to have with his coffee.

    1. journeys are always more enjoyable with a mate! thank YOU, dear lynda, for your faithfulness in reading and posting - you have been an invaluable sounding board for me - blessings!