Tuesday, April 22, 2014


In trying to learn more about my husband's Aspergers Syndrome, I routinely read blogs by other Aspergians. There was one on Theory of Mind that has really gotten me thinking. 

When I'm feeling frustrated with Steve not understanding my feelings or viewpoints on different life events, I try to explain using illustrations putting him in a similar situations that I believe would help him comprehend my emotions. What I haven't ever considered about my sweet Hubby was pointed out by autisticook in a recent post.

" ...the social worker asked me, “How would it make you feel if someone needed YOUR help, but decided in their head that you’re far too overwhelmed or unemployed or autistic to be able to help them, without even giving you the chance to say yes or no?”
I said that I knew what he was trying to get at. That I was supposed to say that they should ask me, that I would feel hurt if they made assumptions about my ability to help. But I said I wouldn’t feel hurt. If they had decided for themselves that they didn’t want to bother me with something because of what – rightly or wrongly – they thought I was able to handle, that would be a completely valid feeling. And I wouldn’t feel hurt about them coming to such a conclusion, even if it wasn’t necessarily true. Because that would be their feeling, and therefore valid.
He stared at me. Flabbergasted.
I don’t think it had occurred to him that I would genuinely not feel hurt.
What hadn’t occurred to me was that others would be."
I too am flabbergasted. When I am confused or hurt by Steve's actions, reactions, or lack thereof, it has never occurred to me that he was operating in a totally in a different dimension from me. That he has no comprehension of what I am even talking about when I try to explain.

*Lightbulb moment*

No wonder he is often as puzzled, confused, perplexed, baffled, flummoxed, befuddled, or as flat out bewildered as I am at our differing responses to the exact same occurrence. 


Once again I am reminded that NTs and Aspies really do speak different languages. That my expectations of Steve's behaviors often hinge on my own expectations of NT emotions, which he often doesn't have or 'get'. 

*Sigh* Looks like I need to go reload my 'patience' bucket. Maybe even upgrade to a 'patience' barrel. The good Lord knows I need it! lol


  1. Instead of Men and Women im beginning to think that Aspie's are from Mars and NT's are from Venus. It totally baffles me how different we see the world and how we respond to it. Hubby is in a bad way at the moment. Unemployed, lengthy recovery from surgery, no friends, isolated, worried about appointments with Workcover reps etc. I think he would actually prefer to be in debt with no income than go through this process of making a claim for workplace injury. He is scared of everything. As usual the insurance companies do their best to find a way not to payout despite that the injury is obvious and he has already had surgery. Its hard to come home from work and see him in a foetal position in bed crying. I have to work but i need to be with him. It breaks my heart - and there it is - he's like my child.

    1. there are definitely times that steve can't cope & i jump right in - my strong nature can be beneficial at times... i hate to see him confused or hurt...