Saturday, April 5, 2014

Life Rules

Aspergians tend to find the situational parts of life difficult to deal with, my husband included. We often play a lot of 'what if' games together. I try to retain my sense of humor, but occasionally it becomes tiresome.

"Sweetie, can you please hold the door for me until I get through?" I will ask my hubby, who has once again let said door hit me in the face.

"But what if a burglar with an AK47 was hiding in the bushes in order to jump through our door to rob us? Shouldn't I quickly slam the door and lock it to prevent him from getting in?" quizzes The Hubster.

"Well, if you slam and lock the door before I am able to get through then I would be left outside with the burglar and his gun! What do I do then?" I respond.

Silence. I'm sure after a few hours my esteemed spouse will come up with a solution after some long and deep thought, and would probably involve me pole vaulting over our house to come in through a back window on the second floor.

Steve can make his own life so complicated with his steadfast 'book' of rules. I marvel at the complexity of his life.

According to my Aspie mate's personal Rule Book (and yes, I peeked):

Rule of No Rearranging
If an item is placed into the dishwasher, it can never ever be touched again until after the wash cycle, even to allow for more room to place another item in to be washed  

Rule of Dishwasher Sanitation
Since the hot water in the dishwasher is sprayed 'all over' you can put a bowl against the back of a plate and it will come out cleaned

Rule of Hand-Washing Dishes
Hand-washing dishes means you run cold water over the dishes while rubbing your fingers on them - using the dishtowel to dry them will get all the rest of the food or dirt off them

Rule of Kitchen Sinks
You don't need to wash the sinks after hand-washing dishes as the sink is as clean as the dishes that you just hand-washed 

Rule of Dirty Clothes
If you have only worn an article of clothing for a minute or two, it can't be stained or dirtied - clothes must be worn a minimum of four days before they can be put into the dirty clothes basket

Rule of Changing Undies
Underwear and socks must be changed twice a day, even if not dirty or smelly

Rule of Shoes
Shoes must sit out in the middle of a room for a day or two to dry and air out from wearing

Rule of Closets
Closet doors must be left open to air out the closets

Rule of Locking Doors
A door is only deemed locked if the knob is tried and shaken three times

Rule of Old Coffee
Old or extra coffee can't be thrown out, but must be put into a rubberize container and stored in the refrigerator to be used another day

Rule of Old Coffee (yep, I looked again too - seems to be titled as the previous rule)
Old refrigerated coffee can not be reheated in the microwave because microwaves cause cancer

Rule of Microwaves
Grilled cheese sandwiches can't be made on a griddle or in a skillet as it burns the outside of the sandwich - 'grilled' cheese sandwiches can only be made in the microwave

Rule of Vacuuming
Never waste time vacuuming under furniture or cabinets as dust and dirt only fall straight down and not sideways, nor can dust or dirt slide/move around

Rule of No Vacuuming
There are no cobwebs in our house to be vacuumed or dusted because we don't see spiders making them

Rule of Spiders  
Spiders in our house can't be 'captured' and released outdoors because we need them to build webs to catch other insects

Rule of Insects
You can't use any type of bug killer or ant trap because they will pollute rivers

Rule of Week Killers
You can only/must kill dandelions and weeds with Roundup, otherwise they will immediately regrow

Rule of Reading
Reading fiction is a waste of time and energy - one should only read non-fiction

Rule of Reading Great Classics
The 'Great Classics' include any/all Chilton manuals, as well as 'The Life and Times of Thomas Edison'

I can go on and on with Steve's list of Life Rules, but I quite frankly become bored. I do enjoy some structure to my life. I enjoy eating regular meals and having a routine bedtime and waking time. I value my marriage and refrain from unfaithfulness. I love my kids dearly, and have tried to teach them not to need me, but to become self reliant. I want to become more kind and selfless. I try to be more Christ-like in my daily life.

Other than those things, I have no hard and fast rules that I must live by.

Meanwhile, Steve has his seven hundred and forty-six volume set of Asperger Life Rules books thoroughly memorized, even though he can't remember where his phone or car keys are, lol.


  1. I note a few contradictions in there..... LOL What a funny life we live. Imagine two and the rule books are different. Welcome to my world. Should not complain though. I just did a 3 day course on positive behaviour parenting on the ASD scale (and in my case marriage as well) run by Autism Australia. I was in a room with so many mothers (many of whose partners had left because they couldnt "deal" with aspie children) and some of them were dealing with 3 and 4. Big wake up call - i could have it much much worse and yet so many of them had such a great sense of humour. It was a great experience and so much learning done and to be done, on my behalf. I wish i had a week off to digest it all and start doing my behavioural analysis and coming up with plans but it back to go go go. I like you like routine and would hate to have "rules" but this is how they can make sense of their life. Im looking across at my son that is prone on the couch covered in a heavy doona with the air con running. Take the bloody doona off your would think but i have learnt this is a comforter just as my 53 year old husband sucking his thumb (which drives me mad). I have to accept what they cant change or become someone i dont like. Hey, have you noticed that so many of us "carers" or "partner" have found comfort in humour. Id rather that than be a angry or resentful. WWJD

  2. so glad you were able to attend the seminar - connecting with so many others must have been fabulous

    contradictions and conundrums in the aspie world? do tell, lol

  3. Was the spelling mistake intentional?