Wednesday, May 2, 2012

No Place Like Home

Ever had a kid that was pure hellion at home but angel at school? You want to tear your hair out. You only refrain from killing them cuz you don’t want to go to jail as you’d have to wear crappy clothing the rest of your life. You count the hours, minutes and seconds until they are out the door to go elsewhere.
That is me with my husband some days.
I’ve read that only people who are comfortable around those who love them risk misbehaving around them. Since my hubby has remained employed for twenty-five years at the same company, I can only assume that he doesn’t act the same at work as he does here. 

Generally he will stop when I ask him if he does this at work. Usually he will think about it for a while, and then apologize. Occasionally he insists that he doesn’t understand what I’m upset about. It’s those times that I need to learn to let go of.
I must be a cook by nature. When it comes to communication, I sit and rehash past conversations. I stew about underlying meanings. I blend together previous interactions with current events. I beat myself up about misspoken statements or lost opportunities.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
None of us is perfect. I know that for the first year after meeting Steve he was on his best behavior because he told me so. When we were married, he stopped many of the things that I had grown to love about him.
“Why should I do that?” he would ask. “We’re married now!”
Whoa. Exactly! That’s the very reason why you should do that! But in my Sweetie’s Aspie mind, those were the things to do during courtship. Once he ‘bagged the prize’, there was no more need to do them.
The older I become, the more I realize how much I have left to learn. The more that I study about those with Aspergers Syndrome, the more I learn how much hasn't been studied yet.
As a student by nature, I know that I am enjoying the journey.
But some days I am still watching that clock, counting the hours, minutes and seconds…

No comments:

Post a Comment