Friday, May 3, 2013

Missing Out

I am sad. I have just realized that my husband is missing out on a chunk of life.
Last night as we sat reading in the livingroom together, I asked him if he had read my post from that morning. He said he hadn’t, so I pulled it up on my phone. My android phone has a large screen and (for me) is easy to use. I showed Steve how to scroll through the article.
After he ‘finished’ and started to hand the phone back, I asked him what he thought about the comments. He replied that he didn’t read them.
“But they are interesting!” I exclaimed.
The Hubster heaved a sigh and pulled my phone back. He continued reading.
Kidlet, who was laying on the other part of our L-shaped sectional from me, also sighed. I wasn’t sure if it was from listening to our conversation or a reaction to his book. He is reading George Orwell’s 1984.
“Very good my dear,” states my beloved spouse. “But who is ‘laughing helps’?”
Seriously? He didn’t realize that it is me? Oh dear.
“It’s me, Sweetie. My blog is titled ‘Laughing Helps’.”
“But you didn’t include the ‘Marriage Spiced with Aspergers’ so it really isn’t you!” proclaims Sweetie.
“Oh yes, it really is me. Trust me, I know it’s me,” I said. “What did you think of the sign?”
“What sign?” The Hubster asked quizzically.
I get up to look at my phone in his hand. There is the picture of the sign filling up the entire screen.
I point. “Right there, Steve! That sign.”
“Oh,” says Hubby, puzzled. “You didn’t say anything about reading a picture.”
“Well, read it!” says I.
“Ummm, ahhh, ‘I, uhh…. that you… and you… ummm,” mumbles The Hubster.
“Can’t you read the lettering?” I ask.
“Ummm, no, not really.”
I pick my phone up and read the ‘sign’ to him. He doesn’t say a word.
“What do you think of that?” I inquire.
“Ummm, it doesn’t really make sense,” said Hubby.
“Exactly my point!” I enthuse.
Silence ensues as I reclaim my spot on the coach. As I pick up my book I glance over to Steve.
“You really couldn’t read that sign?” I ask.
“You can’t ‘read’ pictures!” insists He.
Hmmm. I decide to leave the issue alone, but I wonder how much he has missed in life because he isn’t ‘reading’ the pictures.
Not a laughing matter, this one.


  1. I have moments of sadness too. For all the things my hubby is missing out on. His aspergers interferes with the ability to recall emotion unless he is feeling it at the moment. It wounds me that in a time of sadness he cannot reflect on and feel the resonant glow that comes from a transcendently happy moment of our past. For him it sits on the shelf, a quantifiable fact or entry into the balance sheet: 1 happy moment. And a balance sheet of happy moments does not really counteract it when tthe current feeling of sadness he has is overwhelming. Even worse, some of those balance sheets get mentally thrown away or zeroed out because if he can't feel it, they must not have really been happy. In this thing I have a very hard time believing that part of him is not broken...

    1. wow - i hadn't thought about that balance sheet thing - with my hubby’s ‘accounting system’ ten to twenty 'happys' are negated by one ‘unhappy/unpleasant’ – really difficult to deal with – I was thinking about ‘broken’ – if steve were to have been born without a sense of sight or hearing, he wouldn’t be labeled ‘broken’ in today’s world – he would be ‘sight challenged’ or ‘hearing challenged’ – so i would imagine that we could consider our aspie to be ‘emotion challenged’… good to ponder – thx for sharing!

  2. Hmmmm you are right. So much of our lives are sign posted and Steve didnt know he had to "read" them. Thinking about this one. Could definitely lead to confusion i think. Ive got that song going through my head - Sign Sign, everwhere are signs, blocking up the scenery, breaking my mind.......

    1. lol - now you've got that song rolling through my head too! thx lynda!