Friday, March 2, 2012

Road Trip

It’s here! My women’s retreat weekend is here! I am absolutely beside myself with joy. (Were I to mention this to my hubby, he would envision three chairs next to each other, two of me in two chairs and a woman named Joy in the third!)
There are many times in my marriage to my husband that I feel as if I were a single parent. My husband’s single focus-ness usually makes it impossible to go anywhere by myself without planning for someone else taking over home care and kid care for me. My sweet ‘absent minded professor’ of a husband will often forget to feed himself. Leaving him in charge of running the household or caring for our children is simply impossible.
The other day I was looking for our youngest son. I called up to his room, but there was no answer. I then called down to the basement, but no answer there either. I walked to the living room and looked out at the basketball hoop. No kid. Steve was sitting in his recliner reading. I asked him if he knew where our son was. He said he didn’t.
I then went upstairs to check our son’s room in case he was reading with earbuds in. No kid. I checked his bathroom, the guest room and my office. No kid. I went downstairs to the basement. Rec room, nope, laundry room, nope, bathroom, nope. I then checked our bedroom and bathroom. Still no kid. I went to the back door and called. No answer.
I had just walked into the living room again when a flash outside caught my eye. There was #2 son, shooting hoops. I opened the front door to ask why he hadn’t told anyone he was going outside. He answered that he had just told his dad who had been sitting in the living room. Apparently the first time I looked outside our son had been around the corner chasing his basketball.
I closed the door and asked Steve why he hadn’t told me that our kid was outside.He looked confused. “Oh, I guess I forgot,” was his response.
Seriously, his short term memory is that bad. Tony Attwood discusses executive function and how working memory capacity in the Aspie can be much less than that of neurotypicals. Instead of a memory 'bucket' they have a memory 'cup'. Many times that 'cup’ many be full at the moment something happens and extra data simply doesn’t go in. It spills over and is lost.
Steve also has a tendency to forget a thought quickly, so he interrupts ‘before he forgets’, or dashes off to a different task without completing his current one. Realizing his limitations are not directed at me helps my stress level immensely.
So does calling him ‘Professor’!


  1. Thanks so much for your blog, it is really helping me deal with my husband. This post sounds SO like my husband! He has not been diagnosed, but his brother was when he was young. I have gotten so frustrated with the exact things you have mentioned in this post, so I started reading all I could about Asperger's, and all signs point directly at David. This is very helpful to me to be more patient and understanding. Thanks Julie!

  2. I am thrilled to hear from you! Thank YOU so much for sharing - just writing about this helps me tons - knowing that we are in this together helps even more! Blessings...