Tuesday, February 26, 2013


I did it! I’ve successfully survived five days in the cold-from-hell-land. I still have a nasty cough that will keep me separated from my favorite friends and activities for a bit longer, but I actually arose from the depths of the couch today to make coffee and lunches for my guys.
Who manned the stations & kept the house rolling during my near-demise? If you guessed my hubby, you are dead wrong. If you guessed Kidlet, then you are dead on.
Baseball practices, school science fair, and normal school activities went on with me barely able to drag myself in and out of the car. Yes, hubby did take Kidlet to one practice because I was literally laying on the floor hacking up a lung (which I thoughtfully donated to the local organ bank as I am not a smoker).
Oh yes, the Hubster stopped twice at the deli for us. Otherwise, no cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, bill paying, meal preparations, or other normal household routines were completed by my spouse.
He didn’t even commend me for sleeping in the livingroom in order to minimize his exposure to my cold germs.
Kidlet was just two days ahead of me on this particular bug, so several of the days he was as miserable as I was, and then tried to help the best he could. But still not a lick of sympathy or help from the Hubster.
Cold hearted? Uncaring? Self-absorbed and self-centered? Perhaps, but definitely an Aspie who seems to lack empathy. At least for those who are close to him.
If Steve hears a sad story about a family in Indonesia who loses their flimsy shack of a home in a hurricane and is reduced to living on the streets, he will sob uncontrollably and spend days in depression because of their plight. When one of the kids or I suffer the loss of a close friend or family member, or have some horrific thing happen to us, Steve becomes annoyed if we even ‘bother’ him with it.
“What’s wrong with you!” grumbles our Aspie. “Death is a natural part of life! Get over it!”
“Lost their job? So what? There are lots of jobs around! What did they do wrong? I bet their boss just used the current economy to get rid of them!” bellows the Head of our home. Granted, he has been able to stay employed at the same company for 25 years, but he typically stays in one area for only a few years. He is constantly changing positions.
As for empathy among those with Aspergers Syndrome, there is much debate. Can an Aspie feel empathy, or is it a response that is dulled or missing in their makeup?
I found an interesting bit in Julie Fischer’s blog on Autism and Empathy http://www.autismandempathy.com/?p=1476
Ms. Fischer refers to a study done in Switzerland that suggests “not only do individuals on the autism spectrum have empathy, but they actually feel others’ emotions too intensely to cope.”
As sick as I was, as incapable of doing for myself or Kidlet, I asked Steve why he didn’t try to help during the worse of my illness.
His response? “I didn’t want to bother you in case you wanted to sleep or something.”
For five full days?
*Sigh* At least I survived.  L  [cough cough]  O  [cough]  L  [cougggggh cough coooough] ……


  1. So so funny. I could be dying in bed and they would still ask what times dinner. I have bad feet and i often limp past them but they'll still me to get them things. When my step-father died i had to have a real argument and eventually get in the car and go because he couldnt understand why i had to go. Mum didnt need me, she's got your brother and sisters. They dont understand family at all because its not about them. Oh well, check my blog, Tom is 16 this week and the dosage of meds he's on is really doing wonders. Im lucky i dont get sick often. Hope you recover well and quickly - they need you!

    1. so glad to hear about tom! thank you Lord for meds - don't know how we'd get along without them - perhaps on different continents? lol

  2. Sorry, but i have to vent. I am so so angry with my Hubby. He has been off work for almost three months while i have worked full time, shopped, cooked all meals, done housework, paid bills, organised school, everything!!!!! He told me off for leaving him a note to empty the dishwasher and could WE please clean up family room as we had visitors for Tom's party last night. If he bloody got out of bed before midday then doing my 10 minute chore wouldnt cause a problem when he is doing it huffing and puffing as i walk in the door at 6pm. He even complained about having to wrap his son's present when i bought paper and card and i couldnt wrap before work because he had the gift in his room with door shut. God help any man that walks in my path today. I am angry. I've been so understanding and supportive to him. I know he is frustrated not having a job but its not my fault and im doing my best. There self absorption would have to be the most frustrating part of Aspergers. Im tired.

    1. *sigh* i too had one of 'those days' yesterday - dryers and rangehoods aren't the only things vented here lately... rant away my friend...